Out with 08, in with 09!

Me, just me.
So for the most part 2008 sucked ass. There wasn’t a whole lot of “great” that went on. It was a year that put a lot of hurt in my life. A year that I never in a million years would’ve thought would’ve happened. No one can plan on a divorce, and I can’t think of anyone that goes into a marriage and says “I think I’m going to bail on this in 2 years.” It just doesn’t work like that. But a divorce is what I got. That certainly was the major down side of 2008, but there were other points that were bad as well. I mean, not really specific events, but it was just not a good year. Well, that’s not totally true. There were some bright moment of the past year that I am certainly glad took place.
Back in March (I believe it was March) I started in on counseling. This was to better myself as a person and a husband. Over the course of the next several months I certainly found a better perspective on myself. I learned a lot about me, I shed a lot of tears, and I faced a great deal of harsh realities. I wouldn’t change that for the world. It’s an experience I recommend to anyone. I can say with about 98% certainty that had it not been for my counselor (and some friends) that I would’ve not made it through 2008. I was in a bad place and after suffering several panic attacks I’m glad to have people I can count on when in trouble.
In addition to the marriage loss, there were some near loss of friends. That just about hurt worse than anything. When you lose people you love over disagreements or miscommunication it’s just bad and it hurts. Things are on the mend and that puts a smile on my heart. I’m glad there’s an upward swing to this pendulum. I guess it can’t always be bacon and chocolate.
There was a ton more ups and downs that went on in 2008, but that’s what this blog is for right?
So what does 2009+ bring? No idea. I do know that I’m going to believe in myself a lot more. I’m not going to take things for granted I’m going to keep moving forward and I’m not going to let others dictate my emotions or reactions to things. Those are for me to decide. For the longest I would base what I did on what others were doing. That was never a good thing and would only lead to more loss at some point. In 2009 I’m going to sell this house, I’m going to travel, I’m going to love, and I’m going to live. I’m sure at some point I’ll lose some weight, but I’ll also gain weight. I’ll work out, but I’ll have days (or more) where I just don’t want to do a damn thing. Maybe I’ll read more, or maybe I won’t. I’m not going to place expectations on trivial things. Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things if I say “I resolve to run at least 3 times a week?” No. Instead I resolve to be me and nothing more. That’s all anyone is going to get outta me. I will give me 100%. That’s what I do, that’s how I live, and that’s what makes ME happy.
