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So it seems The Snipers have been a bit absent or lazy in their upkeep on this thing in the past few weeks. Well, that’s mostly true. The main reason is that we’ve been getting settled in to our new apartment, been working like the dickens, dealing with ailments that just won’t go away, cooking, watching movies, and all manner of things. Now this blog is supposed to capture that all that stuff, so it seems only fitting that one of us go back and jot some things down that have gone on in the past few weeks.

So as you know, we’ve officially moved into our very own apartment. It’s like really real and legit now. Before it was either my place or Jess’ place. One weekend here, one weekend there. On Wednesday’s I’d drive to Milnertowne to hang with them and back here the rest of the week. In December Jess moved most of her stuff to ol’ 3202, but that wasn’t really the same as it is now. Mr. Chaserson was sleeping on an air mattress and half her stuff was still at her old place, well Jan finally rolled around and we got our very own place. Chase has his own room, complete with his toys and 3 DS’s, and posters and a bed he can call his own. We got all our clothes into the closet so there’s no hunting around in the morning looking for stuff, all the books, games, furniture, dishes, liquor, decor, etc. are in the place they belong. There’s not a single box that hasn’t been unpacked or relocated to storage. It finally feels like home. Most importantly, last night was the first night we actually got to eat dinner at our very own dining room table. That was a great feeling. Sitting there, looking around, everything was as it should be.

Reading that you’d think it’s just been easy peasy and like butter and/or cake. Well, that’s not all the facts. Jess and/or Chase have this never ending cold that has crippled 2/3 of the Sniper clan. Undoubtedly it’s from all the kids runnin’ round the school of hers touching things, rubbing their snotty noses all over the place, coughing, hacking, spreading germs and such. So she’s been under the weather for the better part of 2010, but that hasn’t stopped her. She’s a trooper and has been pressing on. She’s unpacked boxes, moved furniture, organized books and the kitchen, done about 1 bajillion loads of laundry and dishes. This woman has pushed threw the sick and got this place feeling like home. I love her more than she probably realizes. I mean, I was in a house for seven years, and it never felt this close to a home.

In addition to all the unpacking and getting settled in, we’ve still managed to have some fun. Last weekend was our fist “date night” of 2010. Dinner, dancing, drinking, peeing in a parking lot, busted hands, laughing, all the things that make up a good night. We’ve got into a groove during the week of shows to watch and dinners to cook and all the stuff that families do. It didn’t take us long to figure these things out, because we worked together. Heck, I’ve even started watching Vampire Diaries and a little bit of Grey’s Anatomy. Jess watched one episode of Heroes and was lost, but that’s to be expected with that show. Speaking of LOST, we jumped right back into that. It was no big throw-down premier party, but it was a lot of fun. The show is amazing and I can’t wait to watch every episode with Jess, and explaining time travel all over again.

Other than that it’s been fairly normal for The Snipers. The weather has kept most outdoor activities at bay, but I have a feeling that’ll change soon. I went back to kick-boxing this week and am eager to continue doing so. We are both signed up for a 10k in March that we’re not actually going to do, because we’re in no condition to run 6 miles. We do have big plans for our health and fitness though. We’re slowly moving into a healthier lifestyle, cutting things out here and there. Making better decisions and such. I can honestly say that aside from the plague of doom that appears to be attracted to Jess, we are feeling a lot better, both mentally, and physically than we were back in December.

So that’s that. I’m going to try and get some pics of the place and post them up. Not just to show the place off, but to see how it changes over time and we live here and continue to grow and add more and more memories to it. Oh, and our doors are always open for people to come by. It doesn’t take a passport and a treasure map to find us, a phone call should suffice.

Stay tuned for more!

A lot went on this weekend. Beginning with Friday I was given a welcome reminder of something that I had not heard in a long time. My spirits were lifted. Saturday brought my first session with a personal trainer. I was surprised at myself and am now eager to get back in the gym and finish what I’ve started. To be honest, Saturday night didn’t go the way I wanted it to, but that’s ok. It’s only one night out of countless others. Sunday, Mother’s Day rolls around and despite my best efforts I was late getting to lunch. It was one that I prepared and everyone had to wait on me. I was late because I went for a run. It wasn’t my best run, but I went. The lunch was amazing and consisted of Rib Roast with horseradish and bacon crust, roasted red potatoes, stir fry green beans, and roasted corn on the cob. Sunday afternoon was spent on the couch. Sunday evening I got an unexpected and again, welcome request to help out. Me, being me, I swooped into action and accomplished what needed to be done. I then offered to a helping hand at other things and happiness was had all around. However, against my better judgment, I crossed a line. It was ok because on the other side was what needed to be there and though I left disappointed in myself, all was forgiven. Back at home, I feel a bit relieved but at the same time, my hands bring back thoughts of tonight.

I said what I needed to say and the words reached their intended recipient. No one got hurt but myself, but that was more of a self inflicted wound. One that I will recover from tomorrow.

I do also want to say that I am glad to be a friend of Jessica Canning. She inspires and I am grateful to have her in my life. I am proud of her and I admire the strength she possesses. Against everything, she has done what she needed to do, for her and for Chase, not for anyone else. Thank you Jess for letting me be a part of your life.

It sure feels like that.

So it’s not been confirmed yet, but there is a chance that I got the gout!

It started on Monday morning about 1am. I woke up with this overwhelming sense of dread. It was a sensation that something in my world isn’t right. Well, there certainly are things in my world that aren’t right, but that had nothing to do with the excruciating pain I was experiencing in my left foot. I hadn’t done anything that would cause such pain in my toe, so I brushed it off and went back to bed.

All during the day it kept hurting more and more. It was to the point where any movement would shoot a jolt of pain through my leg. Something was not good with this situation. Today I got up and my toe was still hurting. It really wasn’t the toe as much as it was the ball on the bottom of the foot. I checked to see if it was swollen and it didn’t look too bad. Well, this was until I got into the bathroom and noticed that my toe wasn’t any where near the floor. On my right foot my toe would hit the floor no problem, but on the left one, not at all. Again, another sign that something isn’t right.

After consulting some people I decided it would be best to go see the doctor. I got there and the doc asked all sorts of questions about eating fish and/or drinking alcohol and it was all pretty normal. He then said that despite that it sounded like I had the gout or sudo-gout.

What the deuces! Am I a 50-60 year old man or a woman after menopause? I figured I was already a 60yr old pregnant woman with my vericose veins, but this was insane. So they did some blood work and took some x-rays and I’ll get the results this week hopefully. I got some meds to hopefully help with the pain and swelling.

Either way, the freakin’ gout! I’ll keep ya updated on my progress (aka downfall) until then screw 30, cause 55 here I come!

Lately (really just this week) there have been some ups and some downs. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions. One minute I’m good to go, the next I’m Mr. Furious. Again, I’ve lost some more friends, but in actuality, they’ve lost me as a friend. That’s their choice, I won’t do anything to try and change it. To help with that, I’ve eliminated my view into their world, and hopefully, they have done the same. This should eliminate any additional drama. Something that I don’t need today and I certainly don’t need tomorrow.

What’s tomorrow? Well, at 8am tomorrow morning, I will depart on a 13.1 mile run. I will be running my first half marathon. I’ve been training for the past few months for it and feel that I am finally ready. I’ve pushed my body to the limits (well, not really, but close). I’ve tried new things, lost weight, gained weight, and all this so that I can torture my body for 2.5hrs tomorrow. I can’t tell you how excited I am.

However, at the same time, I’m not excited. There are two things that are preventing this from being the most awesome thing I’ve done in ages. First off, when it’s over it’s over. I will have to go back to just running for the purpose or running. Right? I don’t have another half coming up any time soon. And it’s kinda like your birthday or Christmas. There is so much prep and build up and when it finally gets here it’s the greatest thing ever, but the next day you have a low moment because its gone. That’s not something I’m looking forward to, but I think I’ll gladly take a few days of downness for a moment of utter elation. The other thing that’s bugging me a bit is that I won’t have anyone there to celebrate with. When I cross that finish line I will have myself and that’s about it. There will be dozens of people around, but I won’t know anyone. No banners, no hugs, nothing. It’s like celebrating your birthday alone. It would have loved to be able to share that moment with someone, but that’s not going to happen.
I just want someone there. But I reckon at the way that I’m dropping friends that margin for success is dwindling. It’s just been a depressing last few days. Compounded by the fact that pretty much no matter what I do, I’m going to lose money when/if I ever sell my house; I’m just ready for this week to be over.

Ok, back to getting ready for work. This kinda drug out a bit longer than I thought it would. But that’s usually how it goes right?

So if you’ve had the pleasure of rubbing all up on my legs, then you will know there are some freaky things going on with the veins in my legs. I was told a while back that it was varicose veins. Yay! Something else I can add to the list of ailments working against my desire to run. So I’ve been doing some research and trying to figure out what I can do to make them go away and/or lesson their appearance. Well, I’ve noticed that they are either getting worse or staying the same. This isn’t good enough for me. I can’t say that I want them to go away, but I certainly would like a decrease in their appearance. I would like to think that running and a good deal of proper stretching should help with that. I’m going to be upping my intake of fiber and water. This is something I should do anyway, but if I want to keep running and be able to walk later in life, I’m going to need to make a change.

I just have a lot going on right now that I need to keep to me. Stuff about my life that I’m keeping inside until the right moment.

Stuff that I can let out: I’ve run every day this week with the exception of today. Today I shot 4 different pistols at a ton of different target. I shoot gunz! I am training for a half marathon that is to take place next Saturday at Berry College and in my training schedule I decided to run the 7 miles from my house to my parents house in the dark. If you know the route, you will know that there is little to no side walk for 95% of the journey, it is on a main road, I was running into traffic, and the last 300ish yards are all up hill. It sucked ass, but I did it with out stopping. My friend Jenny took me to boot camp on Wednesday of this week and it felt fantastic. I feel in better shape than I’ve felt in the past few years.

I’m working on selling the house and I will be using the next week to re-paint all the rooms in the house. I need new paint here, the old paint…yeah. So new paint it is. I got a new front door and as soon as I get around to getting the pictures off my camera I will post those. I’ve been told by at least 2 people to paint it read, so I think I’m gonna do that. Next up is to replace the busted ass counter top in the bathroom along wiht the bjakety shower that looks like garbage. With that and the new door, plus the paint the house should really only be on the market for 2-3 more years. I got this shit!

Speaking of getting this shit, I got a new Nikon SB-600 speed light (flash) for my Nikon D50. It’s made a world of difference in the photography. If you are on FaceBook and are someone that looks at my pictures you will see that I have some of the Aquarium from last week. I had the flash then and got some good photos. I didn’t put all the photos I got up, and I was still learning the ropes, but I’d say they turned out pretty good. Some were better than others, but what ever.

Other than that, I still have a job. It’s going decently. I am swamped with all sorts of mess but it’s good to be busy. I have my up days and my down days, but it’s something right?

So that’s where things are at. Running, working, picture taking, house fixing, other stuffing. Look for more updates soon, and hopefully I can actually sit down and write some of the recipes I’ve come up with recently (most recently was the peanut butter cupcake with bananna chocolate frost). I’ll get back in this routine one day, until then I’ll just write when I feel the urge…like tonight.

Go here for the back story.

So yesterday was the the challenge. It was set to be an epic battle and I had countless support from family and friends. I took the week to prepare myself for it by drinking loads of water and stretching out my stomach. I was totally prepared for the volume of food, what I wasn’t prepared for was the grease and fat.
Read more…

Just over a year ago I started running. This was my first recorded run:

Today, I decided to go for a run and since I was just under 7 miles from my 200 mile mark, I decided to push through any mental/physical barrier I was feeling. This was the result:

Today, I ran my 200th mile! I can say, that by the end of the run I was in tears. I was hurting like a mug, but it felt fantastical at the same time. My legs were numb and I was freezing cold, but I did it. Yeah, it’s not a half marathon or any huge feat of streghth, but this is a personal best for me. This is one of many personal bests in recent times. Fastest mile, fastes 10k, fastest 5k, etc. It just feels great to finally be able to see the results of the hard work. I plan on stepping it up and putting in some more time on the road, but for today, I am proud of myself.

I did what I set out to do and there was no force that was going to stop me. It’ll prolly take a day or so to get my joints and muscles back to 100%, but it was totally worth it. I want this feeling al the time. And the beautiful thing…I did it all for me. This run wasn’t for anyone else. I had a few along the way that I ran with someone else in mind or with an ulterior motive, and those never really gave any real satisfaction. Today, it was about me. Tomorrow, it’s back to the road to see what my body and mind and get me through again.

And here’s my little running guy to help celebrate:

Panic attacks are sudden, discrete periods of intense anxiety, mounting physiological arousal, fear, stomach problems and discomfort that are associated with a variety of somatic and cognitive symptoms. The onset of these episodes is typically abrupt, and may have no obvious triggers. Although these episodes may appear random, they are a subset of an evolutionary response commonly referred to as fight or flight that occur out of context. This response floods the body with hormones, particularly epinephrine (adrenaline), that aid in defending itself from harm. Experiencing a panic attack is said to be one of the most intensely frightening, upsetting and uncomfortable experiences of a person’s life. According to the American Psychological Association the symptoms of a panic attack commonly last approximately thirty minutes. However, panic attacks can be as short as 15 seconds, while sometimes panic attacks may form a cyclic series of episodes, lasting for an extended period, sometimes hours. Often those afflicted will experience significant anticipatory anxiety and limited symptom attacks in between attacks, in situations where attacks have previously occurred.

Panic attacks are commonly linked to agoraphobia and the fear of not being able to escape a bad situation. Many who experience panic attacks feel trapped and unable to free themselves.

Panic attacks also affect people differently. Experienced sufferers may be able to completely “ride out” a panic attack with little to no obvious symptoms or external manifestations. Others, notably first-time sufferers, may even call for emergency services; many who experience a panic attack for the first time fear they are having a heart attack or a nervous breakdown.

Descriptions
Sufferers of panic attacks often report a fear or sense of dying, “going crazy”, or experiencing a heart attack or “flashing vision”, feeling faint or nauseous, heavy breathing, or losing control of themselves. These feelings may provoke a strong urge to escape or flee the place where the attack began (a consequence of the sympathetic “fight or flight” response).

A panic attack is a response of the sympathetic nervous system (SNS). The most common symptoms may include trembling, dyspnea (shortness of breath), heart palpitations, chest pain (or chest tightness), hot flashes, cold flashes, burning sensations (particularly in the facial or neck area), sweating, nausea, dizziness (or slight vertigo), light-headedness, hyperventilation, paresthesias (tingling sensations), sensations of choking or smothering, and derealization. These physical symptoms are interpreted with alarm in people prone to panic attacks. This results in increased anxiety, and forms a positive feedback loop.

Often the onset of shortness of breath and chest pain are the predominant symptoms, the sufferer incorrectly appraises this as a sign or symptom of a heart attack. This can result in the person experiencing a panic attack seeking treatment in an emergency room.

Panic attacks are distinguished from other forms of anxiety by their intensity and their sudden, episodic nature. They are often experienced in conjunction with anxiety disorders and other psychological conditions, although panic attacks are not always indicative of a mental disorder.

More can be found here.

That’s pretty much it. I experience panic attacks. Just like the description says, they come out of no where and can be triggered by anything. Yesterday, I had another one. It’s been a month or more since the last one so this one was kinda of a shocker to me. 

Basically after leaving the “happy” hour, I got in the car, started to drive off then BAM! It was as if the world no longer existed. A sense of rage or utter and complete confusion took over, I wanted out. I wanted to punch, hit, scream, run, anything, but I was trapped in my car. I had no where to go, and no one to talk to. I knew exactly what was going on, which my have perpetuated it. For that brief time there was nothing else in the world but pain. 

In the past they’ve been so bad that I’ve literally wanted to drive off the road just to make it stop. I would’ve done anything to get “out”. Imagine the feeling Harry Potter gets when the scar starts to burn. That’s putting it mildly. Panic attacks suck ass. There’s really no other way to put it. I got to the point where I could breathe my way outta them, but not yesterday.

So that’s that. I figured if I at least make an effort to post about this or bring it to light, I may be able to find my trigger or be more prepared when it happens again. 

Oh, and thank you Lewis for being there for me. It was good to know I had someone to reach out to in a time of need.

10lbs that is. Whoo hoo! 15lbs from my lowest adult weight (currently 224). I looks as if all the running and eating right has started to pay off. I feel great and my clothes are finally fitting like I wanted them to. Yay for losing things you never wanted to start with. The next 15lbs will be tough, but I can do it. I have a plan.

…now where did I put that bacon, sausage, egg, and cheese breakfast burrito.

Country Breakfast Burrito!