RockPaperFire.com

Instead I have a wicked case of Pharyngitis. My tonsils have these greenish splotches all up ons. Kinda sucks, well actually it sucks a lot. It hurts to swallow, so that makes eating any sort of food nearly out of the question. I had a popsicle for breakfast. It was awesome! 

Ok, now it’s off to clean my house some more so these peeps can come see it. Just hope they buy the damn thing. I need outta this mug.

So occasionally I’ll get some spam IMs that are from some LJ dealy or something. I figured I’d post them here to keep track of the awesomness that is.

Session Start (ninjaben3:DirectCoho): Fri Sep 26 20:03:54 2008
[20:03] DirectCoho: Goodenmorning, my name is Martijn, and I am wonder if you me with the English help could?
Session Close (DirectCoho): Fri Sep 26 20:06:28 2008

Session Start (ninjaben3:SaltyCoho): Tue Sep 16 06:05:09 2008
[06:05] SaltyCoho: Do you synchronize your sneezes with others?
Session Close (SaltyCoho): Tue Sep 16 06:05:15 2008

Session Start (ninjaben3:AnimatedTrout): Sun Aug 31 09:01:37 2008
[09:01] AnimatedTrout: When I consider how my light is spent e’re half my days, in this dark world and wide, and that one Talent which is death to hide, Lodg’d with me useless, though my Soul more bent to serve therewith my Maker, and present doth God exact day-labour, light deny’d, I fondly ask.
Session Close (AnimatedTrout): Sun Aug 31 09:05:32 2008

Session Start (ninjaben3:CopaseticTrout): Wed Aug 27 00:09:19 2008
[00:09] CopaseticTrout: We’re discussing Trout in the IRC channel #reddit on irc.freenode.org.
Session Close (CopaseticTrout): Wed Aug 27 00:09:28 2008

Session Start (ninjaben3:RationedTrout): Sat Aug 23 16:35:31 2008
[16:35] RationedTrout: I think the world is flat. Charles Johnson proved it. RIP.
Session Close (RationedTrout): Sat Aug 23 16:35:42 2008

Session Start (ninjaben3:FantasticSalmon): Sat Jul 12 12:51:51 2008
[12:51] FantasticSalmon: Hey!
[14:02] NinjaBen 3: hey?
[14:02] FantasticSalmon: What
[14:02] NinjaBen 3: who’s this?
[14:02] NinjaBen 3: sam?
[14:02] FantasticSalmon: Who is this ?
[14:03] NinjaBen 3: i dunno. you sent me a message at 12:51
[14:03] NinjaBen 3: [12:51] FantasticSalmon: Hey!
[14:02] NinjaBen 3: hey?
[14:02] FantasticSalmon: What
[14:02] NinjaBen 3: who’s this?
[14:02] NinjaBen 3: sam?
[14:02] FantasticSalmon: Who is this ?
[14:03] NinjaBen 3: i dunno. you sent me a message at 12:51
[14:05] FantasticSalmon: How the fuck do you know my name ?
[14:05] FantasticSalmon: Thats not even my screenname.
[14:13] NinjaBen 3: so aparently there’s an LJ hack/aim bot floating around.
Session Close (FantasticSalmon): Sat Jul 12 17:34:40 2008

Session Start (ninjaben3:spark itx07): Sat Jul 12 14:04:56 2008
[14:04] spark itx07: Who`s this ?
[14:13] NinjaBen 3: so aparently there’s an LJ hack/aim bot floating around.
[14:14] NinjaBen 3: picks 2 screen names and blasts them, then hilarity ensues
Session Close (spark itx07): Sat Jul 12 17:34:40 2008

Post was kinda late due to the fact that I was having an awesome day. The day went pretty much about as good as it could. Enjoy these videos!

Sean sent me this. Freaked me the hell out.

I hope my kids are this awesome. 

Last week was the ninja cat, this week:

This guy just comes out and will fight your ass! 

I really want of these to bite it:
http://www.vimeo.com/1609126
But it never happens. 

OMFGWTFM!!!!

PEWPEWPEWRAINBOWBBQ!!!!! Just fyi, rainbows can not be natural. We have proof.

HULK SMASH BEAR!!!!

I also approve this message.

Starts weak, goes pretty funny, this ends on a weak note, but I enjoyed the music.
http://www.vimeo.com/1803546

I’m all about some manipulation of exposures and camerary and all that jazz. 
http://www.vimeo.com/1185346
This was a neat idea, wish it was a bit longer. 

Yet another manipulation of the camera and playing around with the footage in post.
http://www.vimeo.com/1668653
One of these days I’ll put together something this cool.

It took me a while to think about actually writing this post. I’ve long since pondered the ramifications or implications that it may have. Then I thought that this is my site, this is my life, and this is me. I have no regrets, no hard feelings, and no remorse about where my life is at right now.

The bottom line is that Maggie and I are getting a divorce. Everything should be final this week and that’s ok. She and I had a fantastic life together, but things just didn’t work out. The people we were 2 years ago, 2 months ago, and even today are totally different. We’ve become people that just shouldn’t be married to one another. I still love her, but not as a wife. I love her as a friend and will always keep her in my heart. This part of me won’t change. She is a beautiful and wonderful person and I want her to always be in my life to some capacity. I wish her the best with anything she pursues and know that she will have a very happy and successful life.

I don’t look back on the past 2 years wishing things had been different, or I had said that one extra thing, or stepped away from a situation just a bit sooner. I look back on our marriage as a path that got me here today. I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for either of us, because from what I can tell form her and what I know of me, we don’t feel sorry for us. I don’t think we would be the people we are today had this not happened in our lives.

People have said that I should be mad at Maggie for leaving me. I was. I despised her for what I thought was her turning her back on me. I had never felt so devastated in all my life. I wanted nothing more than to lash out. I wanted to just punch shit and yell, and fight, and claw, and be angry, and I did. It was on! But then it stopped. I got a letter from a friend and it set me off. On that day, that letter did 2 things. First it made me hate everything and want to fight harder than ever, and then it made me open my eyes. Rather than lash out, I got in my car, I closed my eyes, and I prayed. When I opened my eyes, I smiled and have yet to look back. The contents of the letter and the words that were said were harsh and I don’t think they were the best approach that should have been taken, but then again life has a way of punching you in the face when you need it most.

I’m no longer angry for Maggie leaving. Instead I respect her for stepping away. It took a lot of courage to say “enough is enough.” She wasn’t happy, and deep down she knew that I wasn’t either. We were happy on the surface but there was something that just wasn’t there. I know it was hard for her to put an end to a marriage, but she did. I respect her for taking a stance for her and doing what she needed to do. It was way more than I was capable at that point in my life.

For those that know me and what I’ve gone through over the past 2 months I thank you for putting up with me. I reached a dark time in my life and was at my lowest point. I was in a hole that I saw no way out of. I was at rock bottom. However there was a turning point, when I dug MY heals in, and took my life back from other people. I control my life and my reactions and emotions now. I don’t let others dictate this for me. I look inside for my happiness instead of externally. I can survive alone. As Maggie told me a while back “I don’t NEED someone else in my life to live.” This is my life today. I want others in my life and I will have people in my life, but I will continue to move forward because of me, not because of someone else.

I love my life and myself now. I no longer wake up or go to sleep in tears, unless it’s tears of happiness or joy. I still have my rough moments but I can now manage through those times and don’t have to rely on other’s to hold my hand.

So where does my life go from here? I’m pretty certain where my life is headed. I know the next steps in my life and have already begun down that path. I will be going back to school next year (pending the sell of the house). I will get married again, and I will have a family. One day I will come home to my wife and kids and just smile. I will travel, I will live, I will love, and I will be happy. It might not be easy, but it sure as hell will be worth it.

People may say “you need time to recover” or “maybe you should just slow down or take things easy for a while.” That would be great, if I were them. I’m me and I get to decide what I do. I had my moment of recovery, I remember the day well, it was the day of the letter. You know who you are, I don’t like what you said and some things I will hold on to for a long time, but in the same breath, I thank you. So I do feel alive and ‘recovered’ and moving at a pace that is comfortable for me.

So that’s my story. This is my life and where I am at with it. This is my me.

And I’m ready for this damn trip to be over. I can tell the next 48 hours are going to be a blast.

Typically after a weekend like this past one I would have a massive post to go into great detail of what all went down. However, I’ve told the story like a bajillion times already to various people so I don’t really need to go through it again. Bottom line was that things were fantastic, much fun was had, and it may be a while before we should go back to Taco Mac downtown.

I’ll get back to this later. It’s late and there’s more important things I’m focusing on right now.

I’m sticking to my word and going to cut grass this morning, despite the fact that my body hates me right now. Here’s how the story goes.

I woke up yesterday, made some breakfast and then started working. I worked from like 6am until about 5pm. I was at home the whole time, but I was working like crazy. My boss got pissed at somethings and this and that and it was generally a stress filled day. Which was ok, because I got to sit in my cozy clothes, with the windows open, rocking out to my music and enjoying the company of Jojo.

Once 5is rolled around I decided that it would be a good idea to go for a run. I got all geared up, did my stretches, and headed out. 

The run would have been better had I actually eaten a substantial amout of food durning the day and had plenty of water. This wasn’t the case and my body didn’t like me. The plan was to make some pizza, but that didn’t really pan out. Instead I went to Johnny’s Pizza and got the b’sketti. It’s as amazing as it ever was. 

There I was having my dinner, watching House, and enjoying my fall beers. At some point I kinda fell asleep and spilled one all over me. I quickly recovered and went back to drinking. At one point, I got too tired down stairs and came up to fart around on the computer and lay down. 

Well, I was also on the phone at this point talking to a friend. We talked for a good several hours and evetually it was 3am-ish. So I went to bed knowing that I would have to get up in like 15 mins to go cut grass, and here I am.

My body isn’t going to feel well today, but that was something I put on me, and I wouldn’t change a thing. The conversation I had last night was so worth more than a bit of discomfort today. My mind is kind of shutting down now, so I’m going to get up and go finish cleaning before heading out.

Ninja cat:

I mean, this cat is just flippin’ awesome. I like when he’s on the chair. Thanks to Lone Korean for sharing this.

Hug a Developer:

You should seriously hug a developer today. They are hurting, can’t you see? I think Bryan sent me this, but I can’t recall.

Coldplay Clocks iPhone:

This is just craziness! Thanks go to Bryan for this. 

Estelle – American Boy ft. Kanye West

Gretchen suggested this song. Pretty catchy. 

New Media Douchebags:

Jon sent me this… maybe? 

Will Ferrell answers fan questions:

Will Ferrell is pretty damn funny you have to admit. Thanks Bryan for that.

Metamorphosis:
http://www.vimeo.com/1747316
Random video I found on the best video site on the net. I like anything done with processing.

Gorilla Driving a Rocket!
http://www.vimeo.com/1750076
It’s freakin’ Gorilla driving a rocket!!!

It be today! Ye best be talkin’ like a pirate or ye be gettin’ th gallows.

Check THIS mug out:
Gibson’s Steakhous on Schmap!

I was selected as the photo to be used for Gibson’s Steak House on Schmap. Basically, I rule the internet and I’m kind of a big deal. 

…Oh wait….Not really. I did think it was pretty cool though.